I’m feeling like I finally belong in my space… even if it’s a space that doesn’t really belong a majority of other places. It’s my space. And I finally feel at home in it.
Everybody has a space.
It’s the piece of reality carved out specifically for you. It is shaped according to you as a whole person, but it is built to accommodate you on the journey to being whole- on the journey to accepting you and accepting your space. It’s a sacred space that no one thing can dictate, but everything is a part of.
Reflect for a moment on YOU. Those negative childhood moments that shaped you, that you don’t readily share. Your cozy bagful of idiosyncrasies that you have difficulty explaining the existence of to anybody who asks. Your irrational fears, your dark side potential, your unwavering confidence in whatever thing you draw your identity from…These all give shape to your space. And you will find life very difficult to live until you accept your space, make your home in it, and mature into the shape of fullness that both you and it were built for.
I submit to you that life itself isn’t necessarily hard- it swings at everybody. LIFE SWINGS AT EVERYBODY. We can roll out of the ring and become spectators, we can lay on the floor of the ring and be a punching bag, or we can keep dragging ourselves back to our feet and learn our specific style of combat with every incoming swing.
That comes with owning your space.
Throughout the process of this you may be deemed arrogant, fall into bad company, be incorporated into inner circles, be shoved out into the Netherlands of every circle, or a hundred other things. And guess what? None of them matter.
What significance is there in where you wind up socially if you’re busy Iiving as not who you actually are?
Now this is not some sort of license to go and be a prick, living in utter disregard. Far from it. Engage in life and society with your best efforts, but understand that these cannot give you your identity or make you at home in your space. These things are rich with value, but you don’t quite experience it until you let yourself BE yourself.
That’s when things start popping. That’s when the self sufficient bat has its eyes opened and experiences light, and thus the world, in a brand new way even though it’s the same world it has lived in and known its whole life.
But the bat has to say “I live in the dark, I use sonar, I cannot see.” Has to say it and be content with it and willing to grow from there into whatever else there is. Otherwise, if comfortable in darkness, and steadily refuting the futility of sight… The bat will never be moved to open its eyes and will live its entire life in the dark, believing it has lived as close to a full and experience rich life as was possible.
The other beauty of making yourself at home in your space is you are no longer moved by where your space is located. There will be bad days and emotional fluctuations, to be sure, but deep at your core you will be certain. So whether you’re in the thick of things or out at the fringe with just a few folk or some other oddball life altogether… You won’t be moved. You will be able to engage, enjoy, and be grateful without attaching your identity to it.
Life is effectively two sides of one portal- the first side of the portal is where ideas and dreams and vision are planted and watered. The second side of the portal is where those things don’t just come to fruition, but you LIVE them. Almost as if each thing was you in a sense. You are the apple, the orange, the grapes, the peach, the coconut, the watermelon… Because they grew from you at home in your space. They don’t GIVE you identity-they are BIRTHED from it.
But the portal… The portal is what bridges the two sides and there are no short cuts, side tunnels, or cheat codes. You have to cross through the portal. Embrace your you-ness; make your home in your space.
Only then will you be able to truly grow. Be able to truly explore wisdom and make wise decisions. That split inside you that constantly detracts from your ability to fully do anything because it’s constantly attacking you in everything you do (even if you’re doing nothing) will be sealed up once you make yourself at home in your space.
And lastly, keep an eye out for catalysts.
Catalyst is defined as: “A person or thing that precipitates (hastens the occurrence of) an event or change.”
They tend to repeat themselves in various, but similar, ways and are all aimed with the same goal of bringing you to this point. Being at home in your space.
Mine began with Star Wars years ago and wound its way through a long, complex series of comic book stories, fantasy tales, and short term friends/mentors bearing the same message. Long term friends and trusty mentors came to my aid in what could only be God’s timing. Have you seen Good Will Hunting? Probably so. That movie was HUGE for me. It reached through all my shields and squeezed my heart in the firmest yet gentlest of ways and freed me. A lot of ups and downs and mistakes along the way… I don’t want to skip over that… but that’s the beauty of catalysts.
They endlessly repeat themselves in various, but similar, ways for the duration of your life.
If you’re already there, then amen and keep up the fight.
If you’re not quite there yet, then don’t panic. Keep your head up and keep living and try to keep in mind that this is where you are headed.
Nothing beats feeling at home in your space with a brand new lease on life and renewed energy to fight your battles.
I encourage you to do the same- make yourself at home in your space 🙂