Sometimes it feels like the ship I’m clinging to in order to save me, is the very one that’s going down. Sinking. It feels like Christianity is sinking. Can I say that?
Just did. Put a picture too.
I feel like my dependence on Jesus is more claim than practice… that is- I go to church, read my Word, am led by the Spirit, and know how to not let condemnation crush me… but I don’t depend on him. Do you know the difference? It is like an adolescent child adopted by George Lucas, going to work at McDonalds every day to pay for his studio apartment downtown. He swings by the house to eat sometimes, hits dad up on the cell, and proudly bears the last name… but there is no dependence. Sure he might claim it (double entendre there), but again- like my Christianity- it’s more claim than practice.
So what now?
Try to be a good Christian… ugh- I loathe good Christians. Can I say that?
Just did again.
Perhaps loathe is too strong a word… and perhaps Christians who live between gritty and holy in that place called “upright” aren’t who I have beef with. I think… I think it’s this sickly propagated idea of being a “good Christian” that irks me so. It’s like a knife twisting through cesarean scars… and I’m a man. But seriously. “Good Christians” are punks, wusses, goody two shoes, under achievers, creatively lacking… on and on and on. You hear the stuff people say- see the look on their faces when you tell them what you are. When I tell them what I am. Heck, you know your own, personal experiences as a Christian, which is why you go out of your way to avoid saying you are one!
The idea of a good Christian is either fictional or redundant.
The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God… that there is none righteous,not even one. (Romans 3:23 and Romans 3:10 via NASB respectively) It also says that Christians are saved by grace through faith… only God brings us to repentance… that we are filth no longer, but rather the righteousness of God through Christ. (Ephesians 2:8, Romans 2:4, 2 Corinthians 5:21 via NASB) So however you choose to spin it… “Good Christian” is an unnecessary title.
Meaning that it’s more than likely a condescending, social construct designed to unearth the spiritual cavity the church is founded upon from within. Just a guess. My guess though, so it’s probably valid. Haha
Anyway… returning then to simply being a- Christian… and being dependent on Jesus… well it first brings to mind a slogan (that I wish to this day I had said first) from a highly respected, highly intellectual, and close friend of mine (whose blog can be checked out here).
I am not an ideal Christian. I am an actual one.
Beautiful isn’t it?
During my mental perusals on just what sort of Christian I was/wanted to be, and why it always felt like my Messiah’s Titanic was always sinking… I arrived at this point. This ardent desire to be actual. Free from titles and misconceptions (whether from the outside aimed at me, or me observing the outside and then aiming at myself).
Free from myths– as if Christians do not deal with close family loss, prayers against cancer resulting in the one with cancer dying, battling with [the enjoyment of] pornography, being pissed off, getting disgusted in church, having aught with other ethnic groups, liking “secular” music, lying to get out of a narrow scrape, depression, escapism, struggling with consistent belief that God cares… shoot even caring that God cares. On and on. All of it.
CHRISTIANS ARE PEOPLE !!!
Being Christian doesn’t mean we don’t battle the plagues of humanity… it means we battle them, but with hope.
Which led me to my conclusion… And, what I believe to be, the key to dependence (which, though can be seen in the short term, can only be proven as more time goes by). But I believe it’s this…
Christianity- my application of it specifically- cannot be quantified by, or tied to, anything other than Jesus. This is why He can so easily say to judge a tree only by its fruit… because there’s only one rule. There is one unified rule for Christianity. Believe His resurrection; Declare His lordship. All moral and social prerogative falls under the umbrella of, and is thus subject to, what was established after Christ’s resurrection from the Cross.
“…that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses,resulting in salvation.” Romans 10:9,10 (NASB)
If I believe and declare… then that pans out to mean one thing… because I’ve declared lordship specifically. I cannot declare someone to be my Lord and then reject any part of it that it entails- that means that I lied. Question? Yes. Seek better understanding on? Of course. But reject? Absolutely not. That means that I declared that lordship was a good idea. Not lordship itself. No can do. But if I believe and declare (and so live, or so strive to live) then I am saved… A Christian. If I don’t, then I’m not.
Simple as that.
Same for you.
It matters not what anybody else says about Christians, or Christianity… it matters not what even I may think about it at some times… Respected lordship yields dependence by default– therein lies the answer to my question.
Christianity encompasses all of what it means to be human- and delivers it out of A) the ultimate play out of unchecked humanity and B) the living hell that comes with spiritual foulness and/or misery. Christianity is a win no matter how you slice it. Spiritual, physical and emotional battles, individual shortcomings, ceding to lordship and all… it is a win– therein lies the answer to the conundrum.
So bye bye birdie… bye bye twisted notion of “good Christian.” Such a perverted ideal… BUT-
I am not
ideal. I am actual.