It is curious, isn’t it, the natural clash between creativity and will?
The creative voice demands that we sacrifice sleep, money, social status, and all other nominal obstacles to bring its unbridled tones to life. Our will may actually be in alignment for a time… But after too many fruitless dollars spent, too many marginally successful sleepless nights, too much slander or nose turning from peers- too much of anything with no counter balancing accomplishments of suitable magnitude– the will begins to rebel.
The will enters into a crisis state of extreme self protection, denying access even to the consciousness from which its existence stems. It cares nothing for creative voice, cares not that the attempted creation is what it once wanted, couldn’t care less that the gain far outweighs the risks and setbacks.
A will in a crisis state of extreme self preservation only cares that the strain it was thrust into is never felt again.
Strain, however, is one of life’s most intimate assets… So how does the will circumvent this?
With careful, intentionally-just-shy-of-perfect, lies.
A perfect lie, of course, is refutable. Able to be untangled. And in the event that the untangling process is too cryptic, a sudden burst of gumption can cause a person to press through and discover a greater truth. Perfect lies lie nearest to greatest truths. This is why the will will never do that.
“I suck at…” (knowing you don’t)
“I’ll probably never be able to…” (knowing you could if you don’t stop)
“Nobody cares about…” (as you mentally block out the ones that do)
“This is unbearable.”
That last one is the lie upon which the defensive will hinges all of its arguments. Just enough touch of despair to make it believable enough to act on, and render you actionLESS. And because this whole violent struggle is WITHIN you- creativity and will are mutually, fully you- it’s often easier to disengage or embrace a known lie, simply to avoid the wearisome task of unraveling the whole bloody mess.
So, then, what do we do?
As an unfortunate virtuoso of this whole depressing process, I’ve come as close to a workable resolve as I think I’m going to get.
“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.” (Matthew 6:24 KJV)
It is clear… The two forces cannot both be served… Everlasting allegiance must be given to either creative voice or the will- or they must be done away with altogether.
The One Master needs to be identified.
Something or someone that can be subscribed to in totality. That is greater than both will and creative voice, yet not adverse against them, and streamlines them into effective harmony regardless of anything else. Something or someone that can be adhered to and leaned upon, during times of albatross, that won’t fall out from under me. Something or someone that takes these particles of my life and magnetizes them into manageable, purposeful material by its own power.
That is what you must discover.
Needless to say, this drove me back to my root notions of Christianity because I openly profess that my One Master is God… I mean- Who’s greater and more powerful than HE? None.
And yet it is upon this return that I discovered I had been thinking wrongly about God for an embarrassingly long time- treating Him as my
idea of Him, and not Him for who He is.
“The Church has surrendered her once lofty concept of God and has substituted for it one so low, so ignoble, as to be utterly unworthy of thinking, worshipping men. This she has done not deliberately, but little by little and without her knowledge; and her very unawareness only makes her situation all the more tragic. The low view of God entertained almost universally among Christians is the cause of a hundred lesser evils everywhere among us.” -A.W. Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy
It is of paramount importance to not only think rightly about the One Master, but to commit thought itself to the TRUE One Master. An absence of either will leave you tearing yourself apart for the rest of your life as creative voice and the will war within you, dragging the other elements of your humanity into the conflict along the way.
I’d advise to start at the top- none is greater than God…
And be very concerned if you realize that your One Master is a mere human being.
But definitely START somewhere.
When creative voice and the will inseparably join forces, great things always happen… Sometimes through the confounding weave of deceptively powerful small steps and reverberating breakthroughs, and often from unexpected sources.
Find the One Master and go hard in the paint.
Don’t quit and destabilize.