Salutations faithful readers! Welcome newcomers!
This particular blog is part 2 in a three part series that starts here. While you can read what is to follow independently of the first, I believe you will glean more by reading part 1 first. And that you will glean the most by reading parts 1 and 2 before reading part 3 once released. Rather like having peanut butter on bread, and then jelly on bread to appreciate a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich before washing it down with… milk I suppose.
But that is quite enough rambling!
I humbly introduce you to Part 2: The Will To Live
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Once I had conquered the conundrum of my hyper-ruminating tendencies, I was left with the obvious question..
My battles with my mind had led me to conclude that SOME sort of action was necessary… but what to do? Previous readers may recall that in part 1 I stated that sometimes for the Thinker, ANY action is a good action… just to break the cycle and shift life back into gear. And it was precisely at this conjunction that I lost my way. In order to engage in an action – random, or well planned – there had to be a comprehended purpose in place… and there was not.
Purpose stimulates natural movement.
I had spent sooooo much time mired up in thought, and dwelling in darkness, depression, and suicidal inclinations that I had lost all track of ME. Light, God, life, purpose, meaning, truth…. all of it. I was in a position where I NEEDED to make a move- but I literally couldn’t. I WANTED to find value in my life… but I just couldn’t. That may sound strange at first, but imagine learning how to ride a bike… Then you just stop.
And not only that, but you lock yourself in a room and stay sitting in a chair in the dark for a long time. Weeks. You don’t move. At some point you forget that you even own a bike, and convince yourself that your existence in that chair in the dark is REAL… By the time you have returned to your senses, your entire perspective will have shifted. You know you weren’t meant for the dark- but what exactly is light? Your legs and body crave movement… but how?
This sounds crazy, but I LIVED it.
Staying in the dark changes your disposition; failing to live causes you to identify with death.
I was twisted around. I wanted to move… but I knew not how. I was watching a Star Wars movie during this phase, and the end of it struck me.
“She’s in perfect health, but she’s dying.”
“For reasons I cannot explain- she has lost the will to live.”
The will to live can be laid down… “lost” as it were… But converse principles quickly come into play. The will to live could then – presumably – be generated. Once I was liberated from the confines of over-thinking, I also possessed the power to will life INTO my life.
The will to live is not an externally nebulous, and random force that overtakes you… It is the application of your personal will from inside of you.
This actually made reconnecting with God a LOT easier. Afterall- if the will to live was already a power I’d been gifted with, then I need not blame God for it not manifesting previously. AND that also gave me justifiable cause to believe that God just wanted me to start living.
During my over-thinking process I had slipped into playing the blame game… “God if you’re so sovereign and powerful, then my lack is technically Your fault.” That sort of sentiment. But that whole rationale makes NO sense if the will to live is inside of me!! That’s like being 18, and desiring to get to a driver’s license, but not getting out of the house. The instructor is right outside of my door, but incapable of providing me with what I need because I’m not doing MY part. The will to get a license is mine- that means that I at least have to go out to the car. I have never done all I can, if I have not yet arrived at something I cannot do.
The will to live is IN me. Supposed to drive me into basic actions that “open the door” so to speak and place me in the hands of the instructor…. God. Wow.
You can only discover what you are supposed to be doing… by doing what you’re supposed to be doing. It is the will to live that steers you into the sunlight to even be able to see/feel the change.
Having harnessed a tiny amount of the will to live that was inside of me, I used it to take action. Little things like going outside. Working out. Conversing with people. Laughing. Reading positive works, and listening to positive music. Sure, in the grand scheme of things this was not “really living.” No wining and dining a beautiful girl, solving social injustices, inspiring the masses, dreaming creatively- but that all comes later.
And as I took baby life steps, I unlocked further powers inside of me regarding the will to live. And that began to translate into higher forms of expression (action, movement, etc). I began to notice a pattern. In this new quest for life – untainted by predisposition, or maladjusted conception – I was building a repertoire of life habits. A string of life behaviors that reinforced the will to live, and advanced it simultaneously.
What is the will to live exactly?
Permit me to answer a question with a question… What is light exactly? Self defined purpose. A weapon against the darkness. A force that nurtures and grows all entities under its influence.
Likewise, the will to live is also self defined purpose in that it can only be present in the living. Life is a weapon against death. The very fact that we are born with life in us is proof positive that death is not supposed to be the object of our will. We were born into life… Life culminates in death. Our responsibility is to have a full life. Life’s responsibility is to escort us to the portal of death.
I encourage you to focus your life activities around “Life Activities.” Actions that enhance your life. Make it deeper… Richer… And as you do so, the will to live that lies inside of you should swell, and grow more defined. More powerful. Clarity should be more present, as should peace. Life is simple when we’re not over-thinking it, or trying to force it to be what it’s not 🙂
A FABULOUS book that is a wonderful supplement to this process is “40 Days of Purpose” by Rick Warren. If you have not yet read it, I implore you to read it. If you have read it- read it AGAIN. Basic principles – typically also the most simplistically potent – are the most apt to be forgotten.
Lastly… Just as the best elements of life are based on patterns of excellence – cycles essentially – so are negative things. I am learning, and advise you, to not fear slipping into old patterns of over-thinking or being tricked into willing anything other than life… but to be wary of it.
That’s all… If you’re naturally a Thinker… stop over-thinking and make a move. No matter WHO you are- access the will to live that lies inside of you, and do not be ashamed of the baby steps.
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Towards the end I dabbled ever so shallowly into the material for the conclusive blog in this series, but it is okay. Everything stated in this, part 2, was for the express purpose of highlighting the will to live. The final chapter – uniting these two former elements together in a cohesive fashion – will be here soon, entitled “The Will to Act.”